Sunday, February 27, 2011

Latest advancement in eco-friendly domestic living


Kinetic, solar and wind-powered washing and drying with the following features:
  • silent operation
  • solar and wind powered
  • you actually burn calories using it.
  • a less expensive alternative over time.

So, the advancement is - as you have by now surmised from the photograph: washing fabric napkins (by hand most times since you will have to wash them more frequently than your normal laundry cycle will allow) and hanging them out to dry in place of most uses of disposable paper towels and napkins. We chose to get 100% cotton for the absorbent qualities, texture and because we can compost them along with our vegetable waste at end of life. They get dry surprisingly quickly and are less trouble to wash then you might think.

If you detect sarcasm in the title you were correct. However, it is the latest advancement for our family in the sense that the change took place recently and it is an advancement in the sense that our family is interested in finding ways to live more economically and ecologically and - where possible to do both things simultaneously. So it advances our family gradually along it's chosen trajectory towards a couple of it's it's goals. We do think that these kinds of changes taken together over time do point towards a better and brighter future although ironically we find that many such changes represent a slow walk backward through time, technology and infrastructure. The thing is- what happens as disposables are replaced with things that require maintenance in the home is that it may become more aesthetically pleasing. There is something about cloth napkins that is more memorable and attractive than paper. Consider- when you go to a higher end restaurant they tend to refrain from disposable napkins and kitchen ware of any kind which is disposable. They seem to do this for aesthetic reasons. This suggests there may be something 'trashy' about disposable living. There are some things that ancient people did which are superior to the way we do things. We are trying to find a balance in a rational footing in worlds modern and antique.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Truth about Tiger Dads

Before we begin let me clarify- despite the comparison evoked by the title of this post - I am no "Tiger-Dad", nor would I want to be. Yet I think comparing myself to the Tiger-Mom is instructive. I do in fact have some things in common with her but take the comparison as an exaggeration for I admit freely that that is what it is.

To give you some background, my wife Sunray and I are fairly strict with our two boys by American standards. Part of this has to do with the fact Sunray is Chinese. I have been a stay at home dad now for about a year- having willingly quit my job so that we could take better care of our children now that - as we saw it- we could just afford to do so.

We have our boys study around three hours per day and that includes weekends and holidays and school breaks more often than not. Some holidays and such we find ourselves in a time pinch and actually don't do the studying, but as often we work extra hard during such times since after all, there will also be time to play and there is no regular school work to contend with. Occasionally we do have a break from study for a day here and there for no special reason though this is rare.

In any case, for a while there we sort of got ourselves pegged as mean parents. My oldest son Ethan said meaningfully "I'm not taking care of you when you get old", to which I actually responded with a good laugh - confident that there was ample time between now and then for him to change his tune. Perhaps I should also have the humility to be resigned to my fate if - for my efforts and intentions which I vainly frame as being good - I somehow miss the boat. I hope to be the sort of old parent my son will cherish in my sunset years- but that is a topic for another blog post- assuming I am still posting in forty years.

Outsiders sometimes see us as overly strict. Some see us as admirable. It may be hard for folks to be on the fence when they witness our parenting style. On the one hand, my sons can read a good amount of Chinese if you consider they only started in earnest a year ago. They can play piano pretty well if you realise they have been at that for two years only. But then when they get home from school- they have very little play time. Perhaps an hour in all and these days it seems they get to bed around nine-thirty or ten because they just can't get finished before then.

So day before yesterday I had my oldest (Ethan- remember?) read the six page article in Time Magazine about the current meme known as "Tiger Mom". The article is called "The Truth about Tiger Moms"

After he read it I asked him what he thought about it. He was totally silent for a moment and his eyes got kind of big. In that instant I am not sure what was going on in his head but I suspect he might have been wondering whether it would be advisable to be frank with his impression or whether there were political considerations to be reviewed first. Perhaps he was partially just formalising some ideas.

Well, I walked around doing some house work and absently said to the air "It's no big deal Ethan, I am just looking for your honest first impressions. I'm just curious what you thought- right or wrong- it's your own view."

Well he said some things that rather surprised me. I wish I had a better memory for it but essentially I can recall him indicating that: unexpectedly - he thought she was actually a pretty loving mother and wanted her kids to be happy later on in life - and (he pointed out earnestly) they actually were happier.

Well- he was a whole lot kinder to her than I had been in my first and even in my final gentler views of this lady. I was very surprised by all of this even though I had been hoping to hear some small appreciation for her and would have taken it as a sign of maturity. I said to him "did the article sort of help you figure out that your mom and dad are not the meanest, strictest parents on earth?". "Yes" he said with some emphasis and we discussed various other aspects of the article and related themes.

Mind you - the article included a lot of things that I see as being fairly ugly. Here is one excerpt concerning a card that young Lulu made for her mother's birthday:
"I don't want this" Chua announced, adding that she expected to receive a drawing that Lulu had "put some thought and effort into." throwing the card back at her daughter, she told her, "I deserve better than this. So I reject this."
Ethan had read that part and other parts- he had read the whole article. And I am sure without asking that he found it ugly as well. What amazes me is that that those were not the parts he chose to speak with me about when I asked for his opinion. I believe we have a cogent understanding with one-another- we understand the article in much the same way and do see the bad. Yet what he wanted to discuss was the surprising good and the insights he gleaned from those things. At ten years old-this shows a lot of maturity and restraint. My old age started to look brighter to my imagination. I could hope that I had at eighty years old not lost my children to estrangement but that we had by then over our lives suffered together and managed to suffer FOR one-another and that at the end- we were bound as we had been at the beginning. Of course this is all in my mind. I have a lot of time to make many mistakes raising him and there is no doubt I will make them. What I am hopeful of is that we will recover from them and that our affection and loyalty will survive with strength.

So then yesterday- we sort of took inventory of his various school assignments and projects. Well, he showed how he had conscientiously attended to many things big and small in his back-pack which contained the artefacts and catalogue of his school life. He forgot one item though- a needful paper related to a quiz that he has the next day (that's today). "Of course you forgot it" I grumbled. He instantly shut his mouth and caste his gaze downward. I took notice and reproached myself.

"Ethan I am sorry for saying 'Of course' when you made a mistake- you do a very good job and I know it is hard for you to remember everything. I am frustrated with the brain I gave you because I struggled with the same organisational issues you do and so I am scolding myself when I get upset with you on memory lapses".

Still looking down with a silent tear racing to the ground he says "I wrote down so many things and prepared a lot but sometimes I couldn't remember one important thing that I should have remembered. I don't know why I can't get it right."

Well- I could have cried too at that point but the man in me restrained the spirit out of habit.

I reassured him and embraced him and told him what a good boy he was and how excellent and un-complaining he was as a student and as my son. This praise was not over-board- but accurately aimed. I believe that in the past couple of months especially he has joined me in my effort to raise him up well and to high standards and no-longer fights against me but cleaves to my lead with appreciation and tenacity even when it is very difficult to do so which it frequently, necessarily is. It reminds me of the perhaps cliché moment in the Karate kid movies and similar - where the student with final heart and strain, understands and accepts the mind of the master at long last and the plot of the movie turns around and you see 'master and student' united in thought and effort. At that point you get like a montage with training footage and such before a climactic tournament is won by the karate kid.

Last night and this morning- I couldn't stop thinking about Ethan. I kept seeing his face at the moment when I said "of course". I kept seeing his tear let go as if released by my changed mood of kindness towards him when I spoke.

He mentioned yesterday that he'd love some bacon this morning and so I got up early, got the boys up a little early too - and (pretty far out of character) I not only treated them to a continental breakfast with eggs, English muffins and bacon before school- but I let them play video games - a luxury reserved for Saturday mornings and as reward privileges. I don't think we have ever done video games in on a school-morning but some times the Tiger dad is soft for the cubs.